


Alistair, Slayer of Spiders

by Halfblood_Fiend



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Alistair, But mostly fluff, Cute Alistair, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gwin Cousland, Scary Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 14:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4063981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halfblood_Fiend/pseuds/Halfblood_Fiend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair's neighbor knocks on his door with a dire problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alistair, Slayer of Spiders

"This is totally awkward considering that before this the only interactions we've ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway, but there’s a _huge fucking spider_ in my bathtub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type so _please help me!"_

Alistair blinked at the frantic woman on his doorstep. Though lovely, she looked the picture of madness. Her black hair was thrown up haphazardly, golden eyes panicked, her long fingers played nervously with the hem of her over large green Legend of Zelda t-shirt.

"I uhmm...."

The woman clasped her hands in front of her chest, her eyes tearing up as she spoke. "Oh, _please!_ It’s so big and scary and I know I'm bigger than it is but just please, I _hate_ spiders!"

Gulping, Alistair nodded and let her grab his arm and pull him across the hall through the open door to her apartment. He hoped to the Maker that he could deal with this creature quickly and _ideally_ without letting on that he too hated spiders...

Her apartment was sparsely decorated, just a few posters here and there from various films and games, but it was richly furnished. Her couch was large and leather, the television was one of those new fancy curving kinds, and her kitchen table was ornately carved. It seemed to Alistair to be a bit of a disconnect, and for a moment he was confused. Rich things with no decoration, the idea seemed a little silly to him and it made the apartment appear cavernous. He had little time to wonder though as she continued to lead him through the living room and around the hall to the bathroom.

With a squeak, she hid behind him and whispered in terror, “In the tub…”  

Feeling his heart quicken, he put on his bravest face and he tiptoed through into the pristine white bathroom, past hanging fluffy blue towels towards the lip of the tub.

“Wait!” Alistair stopped suddenly and the woman bumped into him. “What do I use to kill it?” he whispered anxiously over his shoulder.

“What? _You’re_ the spider killing expert, not me!”

Grimacing, Alistair nodded once. He glanced around, thinking that a magazine perhaps would work, but he was disappointed. _What kind of woman didn’t have magazines in their bathroom??_ he thought wildly. Chewing on his cheek, he wracked his brain for another idea, trying to ignore how warm his neighbor was behind him. He supposed he could just use his shoe…

He stepped up to the tub and had to struggle to suppress a shudder.

Maker, it was fucking _huge!_ And black. And hairy. And….spider-ey.

Biting his lip, he eased off his sneaker, never breaking eye contact with the spider’s many beady black eyes. Hopefully his neighbor didn’t notice the way his breath caught or the way his fingers trembled. Alistair’s grip on the shoe tightened to still them.

 _Maker, give me strength_ , he prayed silently.

Aiming carefully, he brought the shoe down into the tub harder than he probably should have. Then the spider darted forward.

With something between a high pitched squeal and a garbled shriek, he pitched backwards away from the monstrous thing. He knocked roughly into his neighbor, her surprised screams mingling with his and they both tumbled out of the bathroom door, a wild tangle of limbs. Without thinking, Alistair scooped his neighbor into his arms and dragged them both to their feet. He charged back through her apartment and ran across the hallway into his own, slamming the door behind them sharply.

He and his neighbor stood in his small kitchen, panting, transfixed on the door as if waiting for the bathtub spider to come and knock it down. Slowly, he turned to face the woman still clutched in his arms and forced an awkward chuckle.

A small smile broke across her wide lips. She laughed hesitantly.

That was all it took. They both found themselves doubled over with riotous fits of laughter.

“Y-your s-scream!”

“Your-Your face!”

They pointed and laughed at each other until tears streamed down their faces and they fell to their knees. When it seemed their fit had subsided, his neighbor pointed shakily at his feet.

“Your shoe,” she said, struggling to catch her breath.

He glanced down and remembered that his other one had been left in his fright in her bathtub.

“Nice nug socks,” she remarked breathlessly, barely able to contain her giggles against her hand.

A grin broke across his face. “You like them?” He held his foot up in front of her face and wiggled his toes. “Because I’m _not_ going back to get my shoe _any_ time soon!” She pushed his foot away from her and, unable to control herself any longer, she fell over in a fit of renewed giggles.

Alistair laughed with her until she calmed down into soft hiccups.

“So…You have a spider problem,” he told her matter-of-factly.

“I also have a scaredy-cat neighbor problem.”

“Hey! You screamed too!”

“Guess I did,” she giggled at him. “But what do I do _now_?”

Alistair mulled it over, his eyebrows furrowing slightly, rocking his mismatched feet back and forth on his carpet. “I don’t see any way around it. You’re going to have to burn the whole building down. There’s no other way.”

His neighbor laughed at him and smacked his shoulder playfully. She pushed her frizzy hair out of her face and not for the first time, Alistair marveled at how beautiful she was. He always noticed her in the hallway but was too scared to speak. He only ever nodded at her. But now…now she was _in_ his apartment. Suddenly nervous, he glanced around them, making sure his place wasn’t the complete and utter _mess_ it usually was. It wasn’t near as nice as hers; everything in it was mismatched and well used. And had he known he may have had company, he might have put away the posed action figures that littered nearly every surface.

“I’m Gwin,” his neighbor said, pulling him away from worrying over the state of his apartment. She smiled dazzlingly at him.

“A-Alistair.”

She giggled again. “Well thanks for _trying_ to get rid of that spider for me.”

Shrugging, he responded, “All in a day’s work for a fearless Warden, you know? You were right though, it was a _huge_ _fucking_ _spider_. And, I _really_ don’t think you should ever go back to that apartment. No. It’s too dangerous now.”

“Oh?”

Alistair caught on to the other meaning behind his words and tried to take them back, tripping hopelessly over his own tongue. “N-No—I-I meant—what I meant—Not-not like that—I-I … Uhhh….” The room grew unbearably hot.

She just smiled encouragingly, eyebrows raised expectantly.

He cast around for something, _anything_ to bail him out of the burning gaze she had transfixed him with.

“Soooo…Zelda, huh?” he mumbled awkwardly, feeling the blush creep into his face. “I-I have an old Nintendo 64 if you…would like to play…? J-just until the spider’s gone, o-of course…”

Gwin’s eyes lit up. “Really? I’d _love_ to! I haven’t played in forever!”

“I’ll go get it,” Alistair said brightly, feeling his knotted stomach ease just a little.

**Author's Note:**

> My first AU so be gentle with me. Kudos and comments appreciated! :D


End file.
